How to Navigate Religious Trauma and Build Healthy Connections
Navigating life after religious or spiritual deconstruction can feel overwhelming.
For many, religious deconstruction involves untangling beliefs, experiences, and emotions tied to high-control groups or harmful systems. After leaving such environments, a common challenge is finding a new sense of belonging. Therapy for religious deconstruction can be helpful to process processing these shifts.
While it’s natural to seek community and connection, it’s important to be intentional with the process, especially if you’ve experienced religious trauma. Therapy for religious trauma can help you understand and heal from these past experiences, helping you can move forward with clarity and confidence.
Why Finding Healthy Community is Challenging
After leaving a high-control group, it’s not unusual to feel drawn to join another community quickly. This phenomenon, sometimes referred to as “cult hopping,” was highlighted in a 2019 Rolling Stone article, which explored how individuals often move from one controlling group to another. Without fully processing past experiences, it can be difficult to recognize unhealthy patterns in new groups.
It’s normal to want to be part of a group that aligns with your values—whether spiritual, moral, or political. But for those recovering from high-control environments, it’s important to ensure a new community supports your healing rather than retraumatizing you.
What to Look for in a Healthy Community
Here’s my advice when exploring new groups:
It’s not what a community believes—it’s how they act.
Groups with beliefs or practices outside the mainstream aren’t necessarily unhealthy. Instead of focusing solely on what the group believes, observe how they treat others:
How do they respond to people who disagree or don’t fully align with their beliefs?
Is there room for respectful debate and discussion?
Are members punished or ostracized for asking questions or speaking out?
Beware of love bombing.
High-control groups often use love bombing—a tactic of overwhelming newcomers with attention and praise—to draw people in quickly. Be cautious of groups that:
Shower you with excessive positive feedback early on.
Encourage you to commit heavily or fill your schedule with activities before you’ve had time to critically evaluate their practices.
Ask yourself, “How does the group handle complaints?”
A healthy community listens to members’ concerns and addresses them with empathy. Watch for these signs:
Are people heard and supported when they express frustration or discomfort?
Or are complaints dismissed, minimized, or met with criticism?
Take Your Time
Healthy, lasting connections take time to build. Resist the urge to dive in too quickly, and focus on getting to know a group in a casual, low-pressure way.
Trust and understanding grow through consistent, meaningful interactions over time.
Expand Your Definition of Community
Not everyone finds fulfillment in religious or spiritual groups after deconstruction—and that’s okay. Many people discover belonging in other ways, such as:
Advocacy or volunteer organizations.
Hobby or interest-based groups.
Social clubs or community organizations.
There’s no single path to building a supportive community. Focus your attention on finding spaces that align with your values.
Therapy for Religious Trauma
If you’re navigating religious trauma or the complexities of deconstruction, you don’t have to do it alone. I want to help you process your experiences and build healthier relationship with yourself and others.
If you’re in MA, RI, VT, or VA, contact me today for a free consultation to learn more about therapy for religious trauma and deconstruction. Let’s work together to help you find healing and meaningful connection.
